It\’s easy for couples to get lost in work and family demands that they forget to give their relationship time.

For any relationship to thrive their most be conversations, it is the reason we are admonished to pray regularly and read the holy scriptures to maintain our relationship with our Creator.

Due to the pressures of work, raising children and other demands that many married people have, there has to be a deliberate and conscious effort made always to have conversations. Otherwise, they may just be neglecting their most important human relationship without realising it.

The kind of conversations I am talking about are conversations that are focused on each other and their relationship and not about work or the family. These sorts of discussion focus on deepening the couple\’s relationship, knowing each other better, maintaining the couple\’s fondness and admiration for each other and giving each other the support needed to achieve personal goals and dreams.

Curiosity is the fuel of this kind of conversations; in the early days of relationships, partners often had a lot of questions for each other, desiring to know the other. Many lose this curiosity as they settle into family life.

Master couples, however, maintain this curiosity, understanding that we never know anybody completely not even ourselves. Every day we evolve hopefully for the better, same thing happens to our mates, hence the need to keep the lines of communication opened.

It is not uncommon to hear couples\’ say we have grown apart; we rarely have anything in common now. Growing apart did not happen overnight; it started with the inability of the couple to maintain their curiosity for each other\’s inner world and not prioritising time spent together talking about each other and nothing else.

John Gottman\’s research found that for couples to maintain their love, fondness and admiration for each other, they needed to spend a minimum of two hours a week together wholly focused on their relationship. Which is if broken down translates to about 17 minutes a day or 40 minutes every two days, it could also mean spending one evening alone every week. Spending time together is achievable even for the busiest of couples if their relationship is a priority because \’people always have time for things that are important to them\’ ~ Innocent Usar.

Is your relationship a priority?

Nancy Oblete

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