John Mason said in his book ‘The enemy called average’ that ‘life is too short to experience everything yourself’ – learn from other people’s experiences. The same is for marriage; even though our challenges in relationships do not always come in the same forms, the wisdom of older couples can help newlyweds in no small way to navigate their marriage journey easier.
With the increase of divorce in our world today, we have to ask what is wrong with our generation; why can’t we find our feet regarding marriage? One of the things I think is responsible is that we have forsaken one of the vital tools our fathers used to train and educate the younger generation- MENTORING.
In the earlier days of schooling, artists and professors had protégés that they poured themselves into; now, we over-depend on computers, books, classrooms, etc. The problem usually is translating knowledge into real-life applications. That is the case in most marriages and homes today; mentoring helps the mentee to convert information into its applied form.
Choosing the right mentor is very important; not every older married couple can be a good and helpful mentor. A good mentor must identify the specific things they did to build their marriage successfully and can relate these secrets to others.
It is also essential to ensure that the couple you choose as mentors share similar values to yours or the values with which you hope to build in your home.
To understand who a marriage mentor is, let’s look at what a mentor is not.
- A mentor is not your mother or father (they many times cannot usually give the objectivity that a neutral person gives)
- A mentor is not a pal or friend
- A mentor is not ‘on-call’ for every little crisis
- A mentor is not necessarily a long-term commitment
- A mentor is not a ‘know it all.’
- A mentor is not a teacher (you learn mainly by observation and from stories they share)
Les and Leslie Parrot say that a mentor is; “a happy, more experienced couple who empowers a newly married couple through sharing and relating experiences”.
A marriage mentor represents a sounding board to help you navigate predictable passages such as setting up your home, managing finance, negotiating your different roles, managing conflict, dealing with in-laws, etc.
They are not counsellors but more like personal consultants or coaches. They show you what has worked and has not worked for them; so you can learn from their mistakes.
As you decide who you wish to have as your mentor, I wish you all the joy and happiness you desire and deserve in your marriage.