Nneka and Chinedu had a love that could
best be described as electric, from the very day they set eyes on each
other they knew, they would be more than friends. It felt so right,
their friends also confirmed it, they would make a great match. They
were so in love.
The wedding was beautiful, there was great optimism that this couple’s marriage would flourish.
As the months passed after their wedding a sense of discontent began to raise.
Nneka
was beginning to feel Chinedu had changed and was neglecting her
emotional needs, Chinedu on the other hand felt his wife was too
demanding and he needed build his business so he could provide for his
family.
We all come into marriage with hidden agendas, these agenda(s) may be conscious or unconscious.
These
agendas determine how fulfilled or not we will be in our marriages, the
major determinant of what these agenda(s) can be traced mainly to how
our caretakers raised us.
The
aspects in us that they allow to grow, those that were denied
expression, those that were suppressed completely and the psychological
wounds we incurred while living with them.
This
is however, not to say that our parents were bad, no matter how loving
and good they were, it was not possible for our upbringing to be
flawless since the people taking care of us had flaws themselves.
We
all were raised in one form of disfunction or the other, this is also
true of the children we are or will be raising. In the hope to gain back
our wholeness, we expect our partners to meet our unmet needs and find
healing from our childhood injuries.
The
challenge is that most time we choose partners that look a lot like our
caretakers therefore they, like our caretakers are not able (without
conscious and intentional effort) to meet our denied childhood need(s)
and help us heal.
Interestingly,
ours partners when they begin to meet our denied childhood need(s),
discover that they also have the same need(s) only in their case it was a
suppressed need(s). The key therefore is intentionality in the way we
relate.
We will take this deeper and further in next week.
…Stay tune..
