Many people go into a relationship or are married because they need validation. Their primary need in a relationship is closeness, so much so that they cannot set healthy boundaries. They find it difficult to let go even when the relationship is unhealthy for them. The sad part is because of their neediness, many of […]
SIGNS THAT YOU ARE TOO NEEDY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP Read More »
Most times, you can’t help who you get attracted to, but you can spot a relationship that will not be so fulfilling. Sometimes, these signs can come up later in the relationship – when you hit a rough patch, but more often, you can see these small red flags from the beginning. Below are some
3 Signs That Someone Is Emotionally Unavailable Read More »
Newlyweds undergo an adjustment phase sometimes characterised by a power struggle, disenchantment, balancing expectations with real life, and the like. The success of the marriage would depend on their ability to successfully navigate these areas in the earlier years of the relationship. Repeatedly, when I have the opportunity to talk with married couples who are
Why Do Pre-Marital Counselling Read More »
Last week in my post on ‘The Art of Listening,’ I mentioned that we could use self-calming skills to help us while listening, but what are these skills, and how can we use them? Many of us already use these tools consciously sometimes. Self-soothing is the ability for one to calm themselves down after being
When clients come to me for coaching or therapy work, during the first meeting, all I do is listen. I listen and take notes as they state the problem; if I ask any questions, its purpose is clarity. I send a message with my body language and word choice that the person can tell me
The Art of Listening Read More »
I woke up a few weeks ago feeling sad as I watched helplessly a marriage disintegrate. In truth, the relationship had failed years earlier – we are just seeing the external manifestation. In the construction industry, we define building failure as a crack in any structural element (columns, beams, foundation, and roof members). This definition
John Mason said in his book ‘The enemy called average’ that ‘life is too short to experience everything yourself’ – learn from other people’s experiences. The same is for marriage; even though our challenges in relationships do not always come in the same forms, the wisdom of older couples can help newlyweds in no small
A couple of weeks ago, I went to a friend’s house and saw his children playing a puzzle game. Immediately, I had a rush of positive feelings from my childhood; my mother bought some games for us – puzzles, Monopoly, snake and ladder, crossword puzzles, etc. We regularly had Saturdays we tagged game day; on
Your Family Culture Read More »
Last weekend, I had the privilege to talk to a group of single ladies in church; I spoke to them about the wheel of life and its importance in having a fulfilling existence. Sometimes, I am worried for our youths, especially those from the middle belt of Nigeria. We have many of them focused only
In conflict interactions, 96% of the time, how a conversation starts determines how it will end – if a discussion starts harshly, it will most likely end in a fight. More often than not, women are the ones to start conversations on sensitive issues in the marriage that need addressing, and the man is usually
