When clients come to me for coaching or therapy work, during the first meeting, all I do is listen. I listen and take notes as they state the problem; if I ask any questions, its purpose is clarity. I send a message with my body language and word choice that the person can tell me anything, and it will be fine, with no judgments or disapproval.
After the first session, Clients typically say they feel better; they no longer think of their feelings as crazy. I have had clients who couldn’t sleep for days or months without medication report by their second session that they would sleep soundly.
Meanwhile, I didn’t say or do anything special; all I did was listen.
Imagine couples expending the courtesy of listening to each other when either is down.
Listening has to come from a genuine place seeking to understand and experience as far as possible the speaker’s world. It requires us to suspend our prejudices temporarily to think and see things through our partner’s eyes.
Listening is one golden way to show love to your partner; it speaks volumes of respect and admiration. Sometimes, when a person complains that his/her partner does not talk to them, it is because that partner often doesn’t feel heard or understood.
Listening requires engaging with the speaker with your senses and physiology; you may need to learn self-calming skills to keep yourself from reacting or becoming defensive.
Sometimes it may be more challenging to listen objectively (when you have a vested interest), but working to become a better listener holds a lot of benefits not just for your marriage but also in other relationships.
How can you become a better listener to your partner today?